The visual published with this deeply personal yet educational blog, is the altar of the Mind where I relinquished everything that I am not, to be able to have everything I am: a Twin Flame Union.
It’s admittedly easy to look back, while on the way forward I was for a long time confused, unclear and doubtful about things. Retrospectively everything falls together completely, and because I arrived in the consciousness state of Harmonious Twin Flame Union in March 2020, I really mean this to the utmost degree: everything in this state of being falls so precisely into its definitive place that there is no part of my life left that does not fit to the millimeter exactly in each other in an ocean of inner peace (quite the experience!). But nevertheless, let’s have a look in the rearview mirror. I selected a couple of pivotal moments and will tell you about it so that perhaps it gives you insights in your own journey as well.
There is a good argument to make for the case that my True Twin Flame journey actually only started only when I truly decided to fully go for it, invest with everything I had and was in it, forget the rest I thought I was and commit to doing the inner work required. When we look at things like that, I can say that that was around 6 months before I remembered who my True Twin Flame is, 20 months before full Union and 24 months before the consciousness state of Harmonious Union. In that perspective it took me approximately 1,5 year to go to Union and 2 years to go to HU, while doing the correct inner work diving fully in, doing nothing else, opening myself to correct influence and investing everything I had. After Harmonious Union it took me 4 years to process the ginormous healing wave that spread its wings over my entire life and functioning.
In yet another perspective, you could say that there was no real beginning even when you go back before I first met him in middle school, when I was twelve years old and we would be placed in the same class, while being at the same school 5 days a week for the following six years. Because I already sensed this special boy existed for me when I was around 6 to 7 years of age. And right now I remember more specifics of our last lifetime on earth, in the nineteenth century also, in the light of which things are simply only a continuation of the already existing relationship. Even though the fully acknowledged memories about this also formally quite well documented lifetime in which we were worldwide spiritual teachers came to me 4 months before full Union, looking back I always had this touch of it with me, especially since being a teenager when we started living in the house that was directly correlated to this past life and I entered school with him.
It is from that viewpoint, more as if we picked up the slack of our conversation and continued speaking with each other, as old friends that never really lost each other out of sight completely, even though life periods were spend without the immediate presence of one another. But there was a big vortex awaiting us, when we were honest with ourselves. The fact we had been living mission with each other before, does not mean we had already experienced all roles Twin Flames have towards each other yet: lovers and life partners would be an addition that would ask from us an entirely new inner step to take. It only depended on the choice really, looking back, and allowing that vortex to slurp us up and spit us out in a new capacity. And we did it. It needed inner work. It’s not because you want to have romance it happens, but because you do the work.
This changed everything. It is as if we are stepping into an entirely new kind of space where it feels timeless. It is the culmination of all lifetimes together, but then on a new level entirely, where there is a fresh new start.
Then I saw a new heaven and a new earth, for the first heaven and the first earth had passed away, and there was no longer any sea. I saw the Holy City, the new Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God, prepared as a bride beautifully dressed for her husband. And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, “Now the dwelling of God is with men, and he will live with them. They will be his people, and God himself will be with them and be their God. He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” Revelation 21, 1-5
1 Moving back to where I came from
After I had been craving for a boy that was not my Twin Flame and did not choose me after trying us out, a new stage of my life dawned. When I was eighteen I started an academic study in a city at the very north of our country, a different place then where I had grown up. This is where I became entrenched with the visual arts from an intellectual perspective and started to express myself as a poet publishing and performing as well. I started a relationship and then after this whirlwind of experiences I met my spiritual teacher on top of it all, at a satsang that started after we had attended a meditative yoga class together in an upstairs studio in the city. This started a whole chapter of my life in which I choose to get more and more of this teacher, that had given me such a dramatic inner recognition the very first time that I had seen and felt his presence – it just seemed like I remembered something so close to home, so worthy of saying yes to, that I had to go that direction with him.
Now I know that it was the recognition of having met in that last lifetime too, and probably many times before. Event going to his new home that he got in the first years when I got to know him, that was placed in a nature reserve with sloping hills and narrow paths leading to his home where we would meet, was actually the very same experience that everyone can read back in the documentation of this past lifetime that is still around, where he also lived in such a circumstance, however on another place on earth. It just sounds and looks almost the same; he has a proclivity to live in such areas and the emotional-spiritual experience of going to this almost secret place of Divine Wisdom, clicked in with me in the same way.
In my past life I had devoted my entire life’s work to writing down what this wisdom exactly was about and how this related to present day societal scientific and religious experiences; a famous oeuvre that is regarded as seminal for the many spiritual changes the western world underwent ever since, and also a preservation of what the east stood for since human memory began. And now I was in a certain sense, more and more checking out how the repercussion of that had influenced the history of modern art: a direction of knowledge and thinking I was now specializing in at my early twenties. But that is a realization that only came later, how it all fitted together like a glove and hands, and yes there was a huge influence on art, architecture, music and so on.
In these years, I started to remember who I was again, but not entirely to the full degree yet, but enough to get clear that I was supposed to be with this certain man, that I was not with, and I ended my relationship for that reason, not knowing how to proceed or how exactly to get to him, or when. In a sense, this was a good move, but also not because I hadn’t yet learned all the lessons that were necessary to get to my True Twin Flame – and one learns them through the false one(s) and now I had discarded my ticket to leaning that lesson (and many would follow before I learned). This was the time in which I consciously started to use the term Twin Flame and read about it online; it was the first wave of widespread online spiritual information really, in the early 2000’s. Until one day I knew I had to go back to the city I came from for him.
At that time I had finished my academic study and things were getting a bit worn out for me there in many respects: social, work wise… But there was no real necessity to go back to the city I came from, other then my inner urge that had strong ties to my Twin Flame radar so to speak. I didn’t choose it for career reasons, nor financial gain. It wasn’t about moving to get more economic chances nor to start a family immediately perse, it was just this feeling of longing for a so incredibly long awaited homecoming. My family lived there still, sure, and the landscape was of such an indescribable beauty to me there as well. But the invisible draw was him, the him that I still couldn’t fully point out – believe it or not, but looking back it had always been exactly right, my conscious mind just wouldn’t fully burst open about it yet, for sure because I had been traumatized as a child in relational atmospheres but over-archingly because I needed spiritual work done there.
The day I got the final push to execute this move throughout the country back to where I came from, is engrained in me like nothing else: I woke up with a feeling of the light going out in that place for me. The sun had come up, I’m sure of that, but for me, in my mind and experience, the switch had gone off and darkness was the only remnant of life there. That’s all I needed to know and I moved that summer if I remember well. Within 18 months he reconnected with me online and within 3 years we had a night out in town to talk about where our lives were standing and going as indeed he was living in THAT city again, just like I was, making the same moves around the same time always, when it is your Twin Flame, because it is your Twin Flame… Your deeper intuition will always guide you to the correct decisions, even when it doesn’t seem to make any sort of sense in regards to so called worldly affairs. Love guides you instead.
2 Accepting Divine Mothers tool in the inner city chapel
Even though my spiritual teacher – that I by now had experienced a hand full of year courses and a similar amount of week retreats with – was clearly a man, I had felt Divine Mother through his presence, which at the time confused me but right now only makes sense. And in this timeframe of my life, it was Divine Mother that began to call me to her on her own, without any medium between. Speaking long after the fact, I can see the logic in it, because I was going to be a teacher myself, so you need to have the Source directly yourself in a sense, but back in the day it was all getting a bit much for me but nevertheless I accepted whatever was given.
This is how I started frequenting a certain inner city chapel where I one day, sitting in front of Her image, fell into the literal experience of ‘whatever was given’ as I was handed a pamflet of some sort by an unknown lady that went to sit in the pew behind me. I accepted oblivious to the fact this would change the entire course of my life AND resolve not only my but also others’ (through me) Twin Flame journey. The pamflet held a couple of ideas Divine Mother presented to me: one was centered around turning everything around that life gives you to arrive in a sacred view upon whatever happens, and the other an invitation to turn all your senses – your eyes, mouth, ears and so on – around and inwards, or at least that’s how I interpreted what it said but it had multiple steps and I now feel that both ideas were actually one and the same as well.
I remember the profound meditational experiences with my spiritual teacher (the man) as – when it became real and true – feeling as though everything had turned around: what you had thought about society and the social world, would feel turned around when you had arrived in the experience of what was really meant with his practices and guidance. And I can say that because there had been moments that I completely let go into it and had made it so to speak. What Divine Mother did differently, if you will, was simply put it in words: turn everything around. Instead of inviting us on a retreat where we would meditate together and have an experience eventually when you’d let yourself be guided into what was meant for you to sink into. This opened it all up for me from a different angle and one that I resonated with a lot as I was very much a word-person.
Because I had always been kind of a project-person too, I started one with Divine Mothers’ suggested teachings as underlay. Busy as I was at the time with cultural education programs, I concocted this plan for making the second idea of Divine Mother into a cultural workshop, because after all it was about hearing, so music would be related, and it was about seeing, so visual arts were too, it was about speaking, so literature came into view also and so forth: really my sort of thing. I tried things out and even wrote projects and tried to raise money using my official foundation for it as well, but ll of this didn’t really work as of yet, because it wasn’t commenting correctly yet, people that liked it tried to simply get my ideas from me while I felt that Divine Mother revealed this to me for a reason not them, and I the raising of money didn’t gain traction.
Now I understand this as that I first needed to go deeper with it myself, because now I have done so. I guess it was all a matter of ripening into it all. This was certainly also true for the first part of the message, about turning everything in life around: the part that eventually most directly morphed into the present day Twin Flame inner work tool we use in our community in two or even three versions, the first being my emotional-energetic one, the second being the more literal turnaround one and the third being a special one for trauma release. Because after I had made the 4 step tool that makes Her idea presentable and accessible for all, it still took me years to gain the confidence needed to go all the way with it myself and present the results to others also with conviction, to then conclude that it also brought them betterment…
But not just betterment (feeling better), it brought me myself and them Harmonious Twin Flame Union, the consciousness state Twin Flames are actually all about, because to have them in this state means to be sure it is them and to have Union in the joy it is supposed to be about, besides having it call in your Abundance too as the key to it. Yes, there was quite some progress between having the tool and having these results happen, understood, tested and acknowledged, and it also took quite some time, but it was for sure beyond worth it. The most important happening that helped this enormous leap forward was meeting and working with the current Christ Masters present on earth that spread this consciousness state; Masters that I co-create in spirit with ever since. It was Divine Mother Herself that had arranged all this to happen for me – and for us because we now as community envoy these results.
3 Finally accepting my false Twin Flame in (!)
Even though Divine Mother had given me her philosophy and tools, and the Christ Masters came into my life to demonstrate the practice of that further, it was of course all happening inside of my consciousness, so it was me and mine in that sense and I certainly felt as though it was meant for precisely me to hear this, integrate it and then share it. Meaning also, it was not something that only washed over me; I chose it. It was also not something others had, that I saw around me – and this was actually at first very confusing to me, as there were those that wanted to take it from me (in the sense of stealing) but then there were also the masses that didn’t understand it (yet) and even misjudged it as rubbish, rejecting it completely, but worse of all, the place where I had come from, the spiritual community of my teacher didn’t seem to resonate with it and certainly never spoke about the very foundational life topic I was eventually resolving with it: Twin Flame Union. It was therefore not easy for me to let it in.
But for me, this was the same with the Twin Flame: I couldn’t let it fully in. That could easily have been called my biggest Union block. When I finally let my Twin Flame in, it was my false Twin Flame but I didn’t know that yet. Here I started my actual journey in a sense, this is when I truly started to go deeper and kept at it until I arrived. You can keep on going forward for decades without necessarily doing the actual inner journey, while thinking you are following the signs and awaiting the Twin Flame miracles to come over you, all the while missing out of being on the helm of your transformation, deciding to go all the way, investing in that result up front, doing the right kind of inner work and accepting guidance for it, and surrendering into the spiritual depth unwaveringly until you arrive. That’s the actual journey, in a way, because that’s the part where you definitively change your consciousness to be able to live harmoniously with them.
The summer I allowed the false Twin Flame deep into my life, was one of bliss for me, because of my decision to let the Twin Flame in: on my side of the equation therefore there was certainly a genuine Divine Love. But in the space between us quickly grew a sense of something is off here and I also saw my own shadow coming out in behavior a lot as a reaction, however I wasn’t fully ready to admit that for quite some time. But the happenings in and around me that came as a result of that caught up with me and in the fall that followed I had the deepest sense of loss that I consciously remember ever having, however now I understand that it would’ve actually exactly mirrored how I was abandoned by my mother as an infant, after the honeymoon phase of a new baby I was fed to her needs ever after, because it was them that were central in our relationship, instead of the other way round which would’ve meant to receive mothering and for a bay this is equal to a (psychological) death (I’m not making this up, read up on some scientific developmental psychology books an you’ll eventually find proof for how this stuff really works, it points to narcissism).
The death started to set in when he literally walked away half of the earth from me, when I thought I was potentially pregnant with our child, with no intention to return. Then I realized our child was not here as well and there was nothing more that I desired then having a child at all. Then I had to let my lovely little cat go into her death after she had an accident on the road near my house, that had basically been my life partner since over a decade. Then I realized the relationship with my mother was fake, when she had rushed in to rescue me from all these happenings emotionally but I could for the first time in my life live feel that it was not true and she had ulterior motives (because pronouncing to have good intentions is not enough for integrity, you’ll need to actually be that what you purport to be and have and that wasn’t there, I could now clearly feel even though the communication level it seemed to blatantly state otherwise, this was a complete reverse experience for me, as it was actually the revelation of things being definitively off).
Nevertheless (or rather: because of all this) this time was the start of my genuine and complete resurrection, because I remembered my love for my True True Twin Flame correctly and started investing a lot more in my actual journey – and that is the actual truth of this situation. In the years that followed, I started to communicate all of these griefs with my True Twin Flame, which feels like you speak about it with God Himself and that has healed everything completely over time. Eventually it was revealed to me that by accepting my false Twin Flame in, I had given way for my true desire to be with my ultimate lover and by sinking through the floor (the death experience that was also the losing of the illusions from my maternal relationship) of the false experience so to speak, I actually arrived at my real destination. I did arrive when I still had some form of the illusion in my mind, but it did level out completely after a while.
4 Getting to Union with my True Twin Flame
When I had remembered my True Twin Flame correctly, I still wasn’t able to meet him, but the undertone was set. This quickly changed after I had gone through a sudden bout of cult mind healing, deprogramming in other words, losing my illusionary world that had started as an infant after all, as I’ve just described above, because that is when the psychology and therefore the world started to be upside down for me, like a in a cult: I was essentially brainwashed. This started up as a result of a prolonged practice of Twin Flame inner work, and meant I was basically siting on my couch for a month staring in the distance, while my mind resorted itself. It was painful but healing. There was a certain tendency to perhaps write off the wrong party, like you would go through a deprogramming experience, your memories would be re-sorted , but you would point out the wrong party to have been the culprit of things having been upside down in your brain. But eventually I was able to bend things in the correct way, aligned with divine Truth.
Within weeks after this experience, I was able to meet up with my True Twin Flame irl a couple of times, confess to him my romantic feelings for him and being reciprocated in it! Can you believe: easy as pie. I had allowed myself to be open about my feelings which was a new feature of my new self, that I was still very much adjusting to for how to sort of drive my new card (mind) and I’m sure it was all imperfect as hell but it had made at the very same time ** everything ** clear that had been so incredibly and desperately needed to become cleared up between us and inside of me and that was the very basis for everything we have now, for this Union experience, for the state of consciousness of Harmonious Union that came a little later into this chapter of life, for the ginormous healing wave that came over me after Harmonious Union and the successes that birthed in all aspects of my life, to clarify my Union Mission fully, and my definitive role in it… It was as if the world had completely changed overnight.
And that’s because it had! After this moment of Union, every single puzzle piece of my entire life and memory started to fall into place to reveal such a magnificent picture that it would need to be called to have Divine Beauty to express how that came across. I did it with expressing my full self and not caring anymore about so called societal rules that gag your natural communication power until you suffocate. I did it with allowing myself to step out of illusions so dear to my family of descents heart that they would never even admit that they still live inside of them. I had freed myself with doing the Twin Flame inner work to an enough degree at that point to be able to burst through our block and meet up in the vulnerability of everything that we really are to each other. Oh sure, it was chaotic and did not look like anything of the movies, but the inner power of Love it exuded was unmistakable – and that’s after what gives you the foundation AND material to build.
5 Reaching Harmonious Union consciousness state and healing wave from that afterwards
Now, my Twin Flame journey started to be a highway to Harmony: broad, easy, clear. In principle. But because I was still moving out of my illusory mind, which required a lot of healing, and I had even during the Union experience still believed in my false Union (!), confusingly, I had a couple of months before me in I needed to work through the clarification on the human emotional relationship level about what had actually from the Divine standpoint out been coming in with the straightest alignment and simply: Truth. Even though the Truth had hit me hard, my human experience still needed to catch up. When it had done so to enough degree, and I consciously chose my Union to be what I desired even though it would clearly need a lot of healing and adjustment before it would be able to be consumed in the flesh in our case in a sustainable way, I fell into the consciousness state of Harmonious Union and have experienced the incredible healing power of it ever since, while maintaining its vibration.
